 You can't get mad at weather because weather's not about you. Apply that lesson to most other aspects of life. |
| Long lives aren't natural. We forget that senior citizens are as much an invention as toasters or penicillin. |
| A ring is a halo on your finger. |
| You can never become rich unless you like rich people. |
| I think money is due for some sort of collapse. People are going to realize that money has a half-life, like radioactive elements. |
| If God drives a car, He'd drive a 1973 Ford LTD Brougham sedan with a claret-colored vinyl roof, with oxblood leather upholstery and an opera window. |
| Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler. |
| Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs. It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without even the thrill of it actually being meat. |
| Sometimes it feels as if everything in life is just something we haul into the grave. |
| I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.' |
| You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life which you should be bringing about by yourself. |
| Star Trek characters never go shopping. |
| Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change who they are simply by moving to a different place. Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing. |
| One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is pretend you care about them more than you really do. |
| On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin, and then they look at your clothes, and by the time they're listening to what you're saying, you're off the screen. |
| I have trouble with seafood because it tastes like a dock. |
| With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless. |
| Cloning is great. If God made the original, then making copies should be fine. |
| If you don't change, then what's the point of anything happening to you? |
| Gap clothing allows you to look like you're from nowhere and anywhere. |
