 Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks. |
| The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. |
| Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. |
| I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time. |
| A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. |
| Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. |
| Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. |
| When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. |
| Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. |
| Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. |
| I never let schooling interfere with my education. |
| We have the best government that money can buy. |
| Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. |
| It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. |
| Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. |
| Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late. |
| It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. |
| The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. |
| Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. |
| In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. |
