 Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. |
| Buy land, they're not making it anymore. |
| It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. |
| If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. |
| Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we." |
| In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. |
| There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. |
| Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. |
| The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. |
| When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. |
| The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. |
| The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. |
| What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. |
| It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. |
| I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. |
| Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. |
| It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress. |
| The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. |
| Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. |
| Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. |
