 It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. |
| Golf is a good walk spoiled. |
| It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. |
| Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. |
| God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. |
| Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. |
| As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. |
| Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. |
| Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. |
| It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. |
| Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. |
| There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. |
| Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. |
| Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. |
| Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. |
| When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. |
| George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. |
| Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. |
| I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. |
| Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. |
